All Hail the King! After years of fussing and fighting over it, Howard Stern officially turns 50 years old today. Thanks to what sounds like an amazing birthday weekend, he doesn't seem to be as bummed as people might have expected him to be. Robin's huge party thrown for him on Friday sounds like the big reason he's coping so well. I guess we'll have to see how he talks to a hot chick next time around to see if the age is affecting him. He sounds very normal, so far.

The party Robin threw for Howard sounds like a huge extravaganza. She invited 37 of Howard's closest friends to have dinner with them at an extremely fancy and expensive restaurant. Howard and the guys were trying to estimate the price and came up around $25,000. Robin just giggled and said she didn't even know yet.

Colin Quinn popped in to give his birthday wishes in person, and of course you can't talk to Colin without getting into his 2 week marriage. Howard talked about how he got up at his birthday party and roasted everybody. That would be pretty damn funny. He called Robin's boyfriend Mr. X, "Steadman with a gun". That's hilarious.

They got into the details of the party. The guest list is definitely one of the biggest things being talked about. Apparently, KC wasn't invited at all and Benjy wasn't invited until Wednesday after a late cancelation. That's pretty funny. I can see why not to invite KC, but Benjy not getting invited is hilarious. Of course he was upset about it. Then when he decided to actually go, he showed up an hour and a half late, missing the vital surprise aspect of the party.

During the conversation, Rodney Dangerfield called in to wish Howard a happy birthday. Howard said he felt really bad that he never sent him get well wishes when he was in the hospital, but Rodney didn't care, just told a good balls dropping/age joke.

Robin interrupted the conversation again with another surprise guest, but had Colin and Stuttering John leave the room first. The 'Real' David Letterman came in to give his birthday wishes. I swear, the chemistry between these guys is amazing. They sound like great old friends bouncing jokes off each other. They had to get into Dave's family arrangement, again. Robin started busting his balls about why he's not married. He said there's really been no change in his life except for the fact that there's another person living in the house that isn't leaving anytime soon. That's a classic cynical Letterman line!

Another thing Dave said that was great was that he's not going anywhere. Despite rumors, he's not gonna quit his show anytime soon, he's just gonna wait until they fire him. I love when these guys talk to each other. Dave said him and Howard always should've put more energy into pretending to be friends. You gotta love that.

Back to the party. The whole event was themed after Robin's adventures in Napa Valley. The ceilings and walls were decord with real grapes and vines and everything revolved around the wines and foods of Napa. That's pretty damn cool. They had a gong that went off every so often that meant to look over at the video monitors and then they had a bell that would ring that meant for everyone to rotate tables so that everybody could meet and talk to everyone. Pretty interesting ideas.

During the party they had taped video clips of different people wishing Howard a happy birthday. The Governor's George Pataki from New York and Arnold Schwarzenegger from Cauliforneeya left very nice messages for him. Plus former Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Then the live people came up, including Robin and Howard's agent Don Buchwald. Then of course the closer came on, Colin Quinn roasting. He clowned everybody. He called Don Buchwald the "Agent to the Star". He said Artie asked Dana to marry him, but she said "We'll see how the ABC deal goes" and John has a speech impediment, "Everything he says isn't funny." Good shit.

That was just the beginning of the birthday party festivities. Howard was greeted to another surprise party on Saturday given by Beth. The party was Howard's parents, his sister, his children, and his assistant. He said he was equally touched by this party. Good times.

Scott the Engineer came in feeling really shitty and started talking about how he felt he should've been invited over people that have only been working there for 2 years, even though he's been there for 20 years. He specifically said 2 years which pretty much isolates Artie, plus you could get the idea he thought he should've been invited over Benjy and guys like Colin Quinn and Ann Marie. Scott was really upset over this, he said Robin is officially dead to him. He said he spent the whole weekend depressed over this. A bunch of other names came out that didn't get invited including pretty much everyone from E! like Scott DePace, Gange, and Doug Goodstein. Ronnie the Limo Driver wasn't invited either. He came in and said he was a little hurt by it, but it didn't affect him like it did Scott. Pretty interesting.

During the commercials, Robin made Howard leave the studio. When he came back on, Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog was waiting for him. Triumph might've been the funniest guest he's had on the how in a long time. He said he has a lot in common with Howard, he takes a 4 hour dump every morning too. Then he started talking about banging Howard's dog Bianca. It sounded hilarious. He said he wanted to sniff Howard's ass as an honor, but couldn't get around Artie's nose, Robin's nose or any of the other guys up his ass. He said he hasn't seen this many parasites since his last stool sample.

He started up on Artie saying he has a girlfriend, and that's more surprising then a talking dog. And if he ever makes a movie, to make sure it bombs he's gonna hire Artie to play his fat sidekick. I was laughing so hard, I missed a couple of the jokes and couldn't type fast enough! He pooped on everyone! You gotta see this on E!. So many fucking jokes! I'm still laughing.

He ended with the joke "Howard you're not getting older, you're just getting closer to finding Beth in bed with a younger man." Triumph fuckin' killed!!

They brought out a bunch of Howard's gifts to get him to judge them like they do over the holidays. The first gift was an old radio from Gary that he liked, and a shocking development, he actually liked a gift of Artie's. He got him a leather bound copy of the NY Herald Tribune from January 12, 1954. Pretty cool. The next gift was a basket filled with books, CD's, and other shit. He hated it. It was a John gift. Next was a Boston University hockey jersey from Benjy. He hated that too. Next gift was a thermometer fork for grilling from Richie from E!. He liked it the first few times he bought it for himself. Next was a Puma bucket hat from Doug. Horrible gift for anybody. Last was a bottle of wine from 1954 given to him from Tom. It was a $250 bottle of wine. He actually liked it.

After that, Robin started the news. If you want the news, pick up a paper, i'm not typing that shit out. E-mail us all comments on this column and ideas about others. Later days. SL

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