Day 3 of Howard's Fecal Flu. Even though he sounded great yesterday on the air and didn't even complain about feeling bad once, he said he went home after the show and did exactly what he did the day before, sleep all day and night. He said this morning that he's feeling sick still, but he's not gonna miss his special birthday dinner tonight with Robin and everybody he's ever met.

The newly crowned King of All Media, Ryan Seacrest came in to talk about his new show and of course, American Idol. This dude is an announcer on a reality show, just got his first talk show, and is a boring afternoon drive radio host. He has a long way to go before he earns that title. He already is having controversy about his new TV show. He's directly competing against MTV's TRL at 5pm so they're already blackballing any music artists that go on Seacrest's show saying they can't come back to MTV.

He's putting off on his daily radio show to get the TV show off the ground, which means he's never going back to radio. He is replacing Casey Kasem on the radio Weekly Top 40 show. That's even funnier considering he dated Casey's hot and sexy daughter. He said he just made out with her, but never closed the deal. Samething happened when he dated Jillian Barberie. Couldn't close the deal after making out with her at a nightclub.

The many hidden stories of Artie Lange. Artie got arrested for armed bank robbery when he was 17 years olds! The story goes that as a joke he gave the teller a note saying "I have a gun, put $50,000 in a bag, turn around and count to 1000". The chick got all nervous and tripped the silent alarm. He told the chick that it was just a joke and crumbled up the note and walked out of the bank with his girlfriend. Hours later they tracked him down through his girlfriend and arrested him. Incredible story. Then he mentioned his 3 DUI's and the many times he got arrested in food situations, including a food fight at a Burger King that turned into a fist fight. I swear Artie earned some major cool points with these stories. If for any reason you didn't think Artie was funny, these stories should've brought you over to the darkside. And don't forget his old story of when he tried to punch a cop, but got slammed on a car instead.

Robin's dream guy, Steve-O came in with his girlfriend, Alyssa Lovelace who's been in Huster, Australian Penthouse, and soon to be Playboy special editions. Instant insanity, Steve-O pulled out a stun gun after telling the story about Ronnie taking one from him in the green room. Ronnie came in and said they usually don't search celebrities. So they played a game with his girlfriend, if she answers trivia questions wrong she has to lose some clothing, but if she gets them right, she gets to stun Steve. She got 3 questions wrong including how do you spell "ski" (skee) and ended up showing her big jugs and put on bikini bottoms cause she wasn't wearing panties. I just checked out her pictures and she's pretty attractive with a great body. I do think Steve was doing better with that smokin' hot and crazy brunette chick that came in wth him a few times.

Like always, whenever Steve-O comes in, Howard gets all nervous and tries to talk him out of everything before he does it. He already talked him out of doing a front flip that involved fire in some way. His girlfriend took a long time changing in the bathroom so Steve-O got bored and ended up stun gunning himself. He tried to get himself to pass out after 5 seconds, but he couldn't take it because he started smelling his flesh burning. After a few more questions the chick got every single one wrong and ended up geting her boobs squeezed, hugged, and ass grabbed, by EVERYBODY in the studio! Artie did it with his Larry Flynt voice. Funny shit. You gotta love when Steve-O comes in to the studio.

Daniel Carver came in to accept his $25,000 check from YJ Stinger in his full Ku Klux Klan uniform. They got into the usual conversations about how much he hates black people, etc. The uniform he was wearing was his sons because he didn't take his outfit with him on his vacation to Daytona Beach, Florida. His uniform usually has more patches and stuff on it. The guys that came in to give Daniel his money were dressed up like jews straight out of Israel. Daniel said it's about time those Jews give some of the money back.

The YJ Stinger guys said to make up for the fact that they're giving the money to Daniel Carver, they're giving $50,000 to childrens charities. Another way they're sticking it to Daniel is instead of giving him 1 $25,000 check, they gave him 1000 $25.00 dollar checks. That he has to sign individually. He said that seeing as they're Jews, he should probably count to see if they're all there.

Mike Walker called in to play The Gossip Game. I'm not typing out those extremely queer stories, but for the record they were lamer than usual. If you need to know which was the fake story, go to the Inquirer website and play the game yourself. Fag.

After that, Robin started the news.If you want the news, pick up a paper, i'm not typing that shit out. E-mail us all comments on this column and ideas about others. Later Days. SL

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